We have been trying to conceive for the past 3 years of marriage. Actually, we conceived about 9 months ago, but miscarried. If there is any consolation, we're happy we know that we're not infertile. Now we are just trying to be patient and praying to God. During this time, we've considered adoption. As we've considered adopting a child, I've been stopped up by 3 primary concerns: money, love, and process. In the following paragraphs I'll go into these issues in greater detail. Please keep in mind that these are only preliminary thoughts on adoption as a prospective parent. I haven't yet conducted enough research.
Money is tight. We are still getting ourselves out of the financial hole due to bad spending problems during the first year of our marriage. I had been wanting to wait to have children, but my wife reminded me that having a child while tight financially is of more value than not having a child but having more cash. Children are more important than money. (At least they should.) We are happy to make the sacrifice. Although this attitude is all well and good for having your own children, I'll bet that an adoption agency has more stringent financial requirements for who they accept. There's also the fees. At this point, I don't believe we can afford adoption.
When the topic of adoption first was mentioned between us, I didn't give it serious consideration. My heart has always been set on fathering my own children. I've always fancied that part of the love I'd experience for my child would be the knowledge that he is from me. (Yes, I'm hoping for a boy.) As I've thought about it further, however, I sincerely trust I could love an adopted child just the same. Love is much more a heartfelt expression of action than a mystical feeling of oneness. Plus the knowledge that I "saved" this child would provide some great feelings in the process. Possibly I'd even think of myself as this child's hero!
A final concern I've dealt with while contemplating adoption is a fear of the process. I regularly hear horror stories of the time and expense needed to adopt a child. A friend even experienced an ordeal where there surfaced a risk the birth mother had the option to take the child back six months later. I'd want to be sure of the outcome before starting the necessary steps. I hear of stories of adoptive parents traveling to foreign countries to find a child with the only expense of a plane ticket. Is it really so simple?
I haven't researched adoption adequately yet to understand the facts about the money, love, and process concerns. I have figured out that I will love whatever child with whom God chooses to bless us. This article is just the first step in my desire to come to grips with these issues. I have programmed a website at which I plan to solicit the written experiences of others weighing adoption or adoptive parents. I invite you to post an article too. You don't have to be an expert -- I know I'm not! There isn't even a need to be an accomplished writer. Your experience on the topic matters much more.
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Title: Adoption: Some Honest Reflections
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